Source: Roz Dhan "deepak45uban"
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1.
My parents advised what they did in their own marriage: “both of you always think about giving 90% to your partner and you both will be very happy.” They meant it’s so important to think about how your partner is feeling, to stand in their shoes, to be giving and compromising, and emotionally generous. That 10% is for the understanding that sometimes it’s also OK to be a bit selfish, to place your needs first, or stand firm on something. They also made clear that this only works if you are both giving 90%.
2.
I just celebrated my 26th wedding anniversary. I definitely think about my spouse’s needs and feelings the majority of the time and try to be compromising. In return I feel he is 90% thinking of me and how to consider my feelings and be supportive and loving. Sometimes this means giving something up, but actually most times this means we both get what we want and we both feel very loved, supported, and that we are in each other’s corner. I don’t feel afraid to be giving, because he really has my best interests at heart.
3.
Whether or not you're an optimist, chances are, you find something personal in your actions when they disappoint you. It’s natural because, well, relationships are personal. But 9 out of 10 times your person has no intention of upsetting you.
4.
Especially when we’re already in an irritated state, we have a hair trigger for taking things the wrong way and assuming the worst,” says Gillihan. (And yet when our partner feels personally offended or attacked by something you do, you’re probably annoyed that they don’t just let you off the hook.
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“Commit to investing an hour—on an ongoing basis—to work on strengthening your relationship, troubleshooting, and making it more satisfying,” says Manhattan-based licensed clinical psychologist Joseph Cilona, Psy.D. Set up a weekly or monthly dinner where you only talk about relationship issues or goals.
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