You want to save your marriage at any cost, don’t you?
But most of you are confused about the ways which can prevent your marriage from failing.
“My wife does many things which makes me frightened that our marriage might not work” Alan looked worried.
Alan was a professor in a reputed college. His wife was a classical dancer. Theirs was a love marriage.
Initially everything was fine with their marriage. But things turned worse in their relationship when Alan’s wife felt that being a professor was not a job to be talked about. So, she started nagging Alan to change his job.
“My wife feels being a professor sounded too staid for her to talk about it with her friends. I love my profession. She did not mind about my job when she married me. But after becoming famous, she feels I am not good enough for her” Alan looked depressed.
“My wife makes degrading comments about my job. Do you know how much it needles me? We nowadays fight daily. The way she is behaving makes me worried about the longevity of our marriage” Alan’s voice quivered with frustration.
Like Alan, you too must be experiencing many problems in your marriage.
Are you in a hurry to file for a divorce?
Wait!
Can you pause for a second from your hasty decision of separating from your spouse?
Do you know when do that you might save your marriage from failure?
“Everything is lost in our marriage. It is no use trying to save it!”
Are you one such couple who thinks that your marriage is destined to fail?
It is so easy to let go your marriage than to make it work.
Reckless attitude from any one of you is enough to wreck your married life.
But making your marriage work needs tremendous input of love and care from both.
Was your initial love for each other just infatuation that you should feel your spouse unsuitable for you after a few years of marriage?
You marry out of intense love for your spouse. But surprisingly you fall out of love after a few years of marriage.
What happens in your relationship that your marriage races towards failure?
If you analyze your married life, you will find that both make lots of relationship mistakes.
Both become intolerant towards each other.
Both lose patience.
Both lack empathy.
Both fail to communicate positively.
Many more such relationship blunders can wreck your marriage.
How is it you found everything about your spouse fascinating and acceptable when you were in love?
During your dating days, you are so much in love that you do not notice the faults of your spouse.
You easily forgive your spouse before marriage. But after marriage, you never forgive his\her even the tiniest of fault.
Before marriage, you easily made up when you had arguments. But after marriage, you sulk for days even if your spouse says a wee bit of opposing words.
You are patient towards the disorganized lifestyle of your spouse before your marriage. But after marriage you often fight about it.
Before marriage you are appreciative about the looks of your spouse. But after marriage, you make derisive comments about it.
These drastic changeover in your attitude towards your spouse makes your marriage all the more difficult to live.
Here are sensible ways to save your marriage from failure
1. Accept the fact that your love will become mellow
You cannot have enough of each other before your marriage, don’t you?
In the initial days of your marriage, you are emotional that you have married a perfect person who will make your life happy and worthwhile.
“My spouse is the best thing to have happened to me.”
“We will live happily ever after.”
Dreamy wishes, isn’t it?
You have such fanciful dreams about your married life that you are blind to the fact that your situation undergoes radical changes after your marriage.
How can you expect your lovey dovey love days to extend forever in your married life?
It cannot.
You have many commitments and responsibilities to fulfill.
So, your love becomes less frenzied.
You think it is all because of the lack of love that has creeped into your marriage.
No!
It is not.
Your love has become more mellow and mature.
So, don’t feel tensed that your spouse has lost his\her love for you.
Your love has just lost its frenzy but not its essence.
2. Accept that your spouse will become money conscious
Your spouse was lavish while spending for you when in love. But he\she becomes tight fisted after marriage.
Is it a big fault?
Actually, your spouse has become more responsible as he\she realizes that money should not be thrown away. So, your spouse becomes conscious about the way money is spent as he\she realizes it is the most needed ingredient for the financial security of your family.
But you cannot reconcile yourself to the fact that your spouse who was such an indulgent spender when in love now calculates each and every dollar, he\she spends.
There is nothing wrong in saving for the family, is there?
But sadly, handling money matters often leads to tons of misunderstanding between you.
3. Spend quality time together
Another negative factor that contributes to your failed marriage is your lack of communication.
You are frustrated when your spouse does not spend his\her free time with you as before.
In fact, this is the most common complaint most couples have. It is really unnerving when your spouse who always wanted to be with you during your dating days, now shies away from you after marriage.
Why has this to happen to your marriage?
The fault lies with both. When in love, you had so much of fun topics to talk about. But after marriage you interact with your spouse only about the family issues you are facing. Needless to say, they are very sensitive and argumentative topics.
You make a big deal about the problems you face in your relationship. You start an argument which in turn makes your spouse feel bored to talk with you.
Unless you are entertaining, your spouse does not like to interact with you.
4. Be empathetic
In fact, most of your marriage problems are easily solvable when you see everything from the viewpoint of your spouse.
If you look at your spouse from your angle you will definitely have an array of faults lined up against him\her.
Understand your spouse from his\her viewpoint.
Be kind and sympathetic to the emotional needs of your spouse.
Empathy has the power to save your marriage from any relationship disaster.
5. Your spouse will be different from you.
You cannot clone a spouse according to your liking. You have to adjust with him\her to make your marriage work.
Your spouse’s way of doing things need not be like yours.
His\her habits will be different.
His\her way of thinking will be different.
When you understand this simple basic rule, you can easily save your marriage.
Conclusion
“A good marriage is the union of two good forgivers”- – Ruth Bell Graham
Divorce may seem an easy solution to come out of a relationship you dislike. But the aftermath of divorce is always remorse and regret.
You must be patient for your marriage to settle down. It might take some time.
So, don’t take the rash decision that your marriage is an utter failure. Because it is not. All you need is to give your marriage a germinating period.
If only you wait for your marriage to settle down you can reap great happiness.
0 Comments